Thank you so much for your submission and your break down. I like how you sound conversational. What I would add however is to sound more fun and approachable - this doesn't mean over the top, just a bit friendlier. You totally have the right idea on how to bring to life more conversationally to suit your story, For example when you refer to the projector screen, you might see one of the guys in the boardroom really engaged in what you are saying and the other one is making you laugh....It might be a SERIOUS meeting, but everyone you are speaking to are human and want your personable side as well. Good work though