(to Hazel, disappointed) Are you trying to screw up your life?

No, seriously. I don’t think you understand how much you’ve ticked off Principal Townsend. I show up to get Gavin and there’s Townsend with his back against the door, blocking my way into Miss Waters’ room. He gives me one of his famous icy glares and drags me into his office. I swear it was like I was twelve years old again. Consequently the decor in there hasn’t changed a bit; same wilted houseplants, same puke green walls, those yellowed chair coverings with the ugly roses in the center, and was that carpet still shag? 

(sympathetic, but trying to knock some sense into her) Hazel, I get it. Your cat died and that part really sucks. I’m sorry you lost a member of your family. When you called me up in tears because Lewis dumped you, do you want to know what I did after we got off the phone?