I loved your read! By the end I felt on edge, like I was watching a scary movie or something. The way your pace picked up toward the end added a lot of urgency.

Very nice commitment and way to let the emotion crest over you while trying to still get the message out clear and impactful. Great breath and life sounds and evolution of the scene. For the bigger work at the end (peaking) add a bit more space from the mic, maybe try a finger in front of your mouth like a "shh" position to help break up the powerful air. Nice job :)