Just gonna add that I feel like I was just "throwing" the information at people too, instead of making it intimate. A-yup. Probably 'cause I do that crap in real life too.

Oh I really like this read because you sound authoritative and 0 bullshit! I don't think you sound shrill at all!

Well you sure expect a lot from yourself, when there is so much good already in here. Sure, you've got a few extra seconds if we're aiming for 30s, so at times the speed could be lessened for more expression, but you DO a great job making it sound interesting and positive. Intimate might be the wrong focus, engaging and keeping a person intrigued is a very good goal here. You have lot's of lovely expression. You're mic has no "gain" knob? USB? It's prob the volume/headphones that you can control then. Have you played with lowering it manually in your recording program before starting? Nice power and clarity. Great positive delivery and the peppered smile sound isn't over cooked. You are doing great with this delivery and it will settle into a more natural you with the time and practice and this could play on air and it would do well.