Hello my darlings.  I hope you're all having a terrific day.  I am!  No, wait--I'm having a terrible day.  Not ific: ible!  Ible.  Sounds like dribble.  Dribble like the saliva dripping from a rabid dog's mouth!  Only a rabid, demented dog would treat people this way.  Treating me like a piece of meat!  Dog meat from three days ago that no ones wants to eat!!!

No one wants a special LOVE date with Jeanette Schwartz!  No one wants the public to find out how fun and smart and funny and alluring Jeanette Schwartz is!  NOOOOOO-BODY invites Jeanette Schwartz onto Vault Talk three flippin' times!  To talk about his wild nights tending bar at Smitty's!  Fantastic.  Oh, got to know the everyman's struggle.  Just amazing.

[rumble] Free drinks to women who'd show their breasts:  That's what Porky was really doing!  I should know: I--I'm--why is my face hot?  [rapid breathing]  Great--my first hot flash captured on taAAHHHHHHH!!!  BURNING!  FLAMES!  ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!!!  AAAAGSEGDOFGJL!!!  [frantic faucet turning, splashing, a mirror breaking]  I.  I'm ok-- [spontaneous combustion, muffled screams, runs through door down hall... other distant screams, a single gunshot, slump, fire extinguisher]