While it may not sound too different from the original, I can definitely hear some improvement. Your pacing was much better this time around. In particular, your second takes of the first two lines stood out to me the most as they sounded more genuine and less stiff. I also liked your first take of the third line. While the pace of it was still pretty fast, it sounded more serious and still fit the scene. Things I do want to touch on are that while the pace is better, I could hear parts in a few of your takes where you focused more on that. In particular, you made the pauses longer rather than pacing the actual sentence. You could hear that in the second take of the second and third line. Then the last thing I want to touch on is that the audio is still loud. If you did end up turning down the gain as we talked about, I would try taking a step back from the mic? I'm not quite sure as I can't exactly see everything on your end, but I'll send you a link to a couple of websites that helped me figure some things out later! Again, while this still needs work and isn't exactly what I'm looking for, I enjoyed this one more than the previous audition as I could hear those improvements. I still want to encourage you to audition for any other roles as well to practice (even the extras as those get the most variety in terms of character). Thank you for taking the time to audition!