[pretends to be offended] Ouch! Ooh! Such an insult! Let me know when you've come up with something creative to call me, you sack of poorly packaged horse shit! Tell the missus I said "hi" [kiss], Shnuckums!

[scoffs] No, no, no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look... uh, sad! And pathetic! Like an orphan... with no arms... or legs... Oh! With progeria! Great! Now I'm bummed thinkin' about it! This thing have any liquor?

Aw, come on! I had to! My credibility was on the line! I mean, what kind of reputation would I have if people found out I was tryna go clean? It just throws out my entire persona!