Not gonna lie, when Garlan asked me out I thought, "well, Parfait's kind of cute" but then I remembered she's like a thousand years old so I said yes to him that night.

Why are all the straight girls I've met such a bitch? God, Lettuce, and you're one of them. 

Hey, hey, you two, break it up, you're both big simps for some Burger King Foot Lettuce, do you guys have no taste? God...