I’m afraid you’ve been diagnosed with ass cancer, you have about three weeks to live.

Oh sorry you’re right I always get cancer confused with everything else.  It’s definitely resulted in more than a few people coming for checkups leaving the hospital crying.  Anyway, I meant he has a tear in his vocal cords, probably from some shitty parent letting him listen to death metal.  Now he'll never devlop magical singing powers. The only way someone’s vocal cords could be this trashed is if they practice their death metal screams on a daily basis at a young age.

Yes indeed, not a bad parent, that’s why you talk that way in front of your four year old son and why he’s sitting in the hospital.  By the way I found this book he wrote.

Well I didn’t think much of it when I saw the cover was just a foot.  But then I opened the cover and it turned out to be over four hundred pages of pure foot fetish porn.  I’m afraid your son...is going to grow up to write fan fiction.