I was given a box that would supposedly bring me everlasting happiness as long as I didn't open it. ...Sooo yeah, I opened it. And now I look like an old lady, and the doctors say there's no cure. It sucks. Bobby was about to ask me out too, but now he's just... really respectful to me.

(To Gwendolyn) He's a jerk who hurt your feelings! You need to go off, princess!