Oh hey. Didn't see you down there. Can you move about two centimeters to the right? The placement of my eyes is particularly wacky. 

Ugh, this isn't going to work, I stored the number I need here. In my broken phone... How did anyone even get by before modern cell phone technology? How did they send each other messages, or watch videos about people drinking a gallon of milk and then throwing up? I guess I'll just have to write letters now, and film myself barfing on VHS. Just like the pilgrims would have. 

Folks call me Tall Jared. I don't really get it though. Honestly, I'm not even the tallest Jared that I personally know. Yeah, let that info sink in for a while. I can see your imagination running wild in your extremely visible eyes.