Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down

And meet the best innkeeper in town

As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:

Rooking their guests and crooking the books

Seldom do you see

Honest men like me

A gent of good intent

Who's content to be

Master of the house, doling out the charm

Ready with a handshake and an open palm

Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir

Customers appreciate a bon-viveur

Glad to do a friend a favor

Doesn't cost me to be nice

But nothing gets you nothing

Everything has got a little price!

Master of the house, keeper of the zoo

Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two

Watering the wine, making up the weight

Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight

Everybody loves a landlord

Everybody's bosom friend

I do whatever pleases

Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!