Homestuck Media Dubs - 413.fm
Project Overview
Reader: Consult fandub texts of the olden times.
Hello!
We are 413.fm, a fandubbing group obsessed with Homestuck and everything about it. We do not hold this webcomic under a magnifying glass and stare at it longingly. This is slander.
Our main goal is to have fun dubbing over and bringing multiple projects to life, such as small funny comics and textposts, but will also be doing larger scale projects along the way as we grow.
Currently casting: Beta trolls!
Must be 16+ to audition and for editors, there is no cap on how many character you may go for, so audition away!!
We also have a discord!!
https://discord.gg/mRbaaBFHd
Check it out cause we are cool but very very early stages so....oops!
Video Editor
Open Indefinitely, send in your amazing editing talent!
*Say something you think would fit*
Voice Actor
You'll never guess what this role is.
You have been so busy being consumed by unspeakable horror, you didn't notice someone has been trying to contact you.
A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name! What will the name of this young man be?
The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.
Voice Actor
- androgynous
oh, btw... jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time. gotcha! hehehehe
DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU MAGICAL SON OF A BITCH? I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! THAT STUNT WASN'T COOL! *YOU'RE* NOT COOL! LIKE IT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH YOU DUMPED JADE FOR NO REASON. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU! YOU AND JADE WERE OUR ROCK ON THIS SHIP! YOU HEAR ME?? OUR ROOOOOOOOCK!!!
we are kinda all related! sort of. through shared ghost slime genes. right?
Voice Actor
A sarcastic, highly intelligent girl who loves psychoanalysis!
- female adult
- female young adult
- female teen
I have no idea what the hell Dave is up to, or if he's any closer to recovering the game. There's some stuff I'd like to try, in case he doesn't come through.
What matters is how seeing it affected you. I think it clearly has in some way.
Ultimately, I concluded the same thing. I decided it wouldn't be a very dignified way to make an entrance. Or for that matter, a very constructive way to help out in a struggle to preserve reality. Luckily, I was able to cut it out a while ago. I admit, it wasn't easy.
Voice Actor
da cool guy
among them was to begin guzzling untold liters of that putrid circus cola / think of it as like a rite of passage / like something that just goes with the territory when someone you know almost imperceptibly begins turning into a juggalo / wait fuck
ok all yall settle down im getting a text / ... i cant fucking read this
so ill just say / whats next is up to you / and if later you want to talk about it / im here
Voice Actor
- female teen
- female adult
- female young adult
ive never had any sort of feeling about them or what they want which is kind of weird!!! but it seems to me like they are probably all different people and not one guy. i have counted twelve
john...are you asleep? please dont tell me you just fell asleep in your driveway!
shut up!!!!!! stop being such a damn crybaby!
Voice Actor
- female young adult
- female teen
- female adult
I'm still not sure what to think. But what I wanted to tell you this morning was...I had a really wild dream last night. And you were in it.
You see, Callie, your historical documents make no mention of the leader of the raid, because originally, the curtains closed early on this plucky customer. Hoo hoo!
I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute!
Voice Actor
- male adult
- male young adult
- male teen
I've dropped some hints and tested her willingness to believe something like this. It's just not going to fly. It's way too much drop on somebody all at once if they aren't receptive.
If you actually think this even qualifies as a drawing, I'm going to have to say you are literally the worst artist who has ever existed.
I killed an agent who snuck into my room to assassinate me. I'm not sure what to do about it now. I guess I could just ditch the corpse. But it's still only a matter of time before my cover is blown.
Voice Actor
A retiried drunk, caring, playful wizard loving guy!
(transmasc or non-binary va's HIGHLY preferred)
- male adult
- male teen
- male young adult
- androgynous
stri dizzle / its roro L money / do u copy over
sry im listening 2 u really / but i fucked uuuuup / got to make sure jane doesnt run that file i sent
ok god / was just tryin to cheer you up / take ur mind off whatever the hell that was / you werent serious about calling off the party were you / here let me just get the chess guys to help put the table back on the roof
Voice Actor
A determined, quirky, and fatalistic troll!
- female young adult
- female adult
- female teen
is this a party? oh goodness i think it is OuO this is like a fun costume party for ghosts isnt it! whats the occasion?
i have learned to be at ease with the cessation of being in any form it takes, but i am not nor will i ever be the monsters handmaid. so please believe that i would never take joy from the destruction of any soul
actually i guess i c0uld kill y0u right n0w and st0p it all fr0m happening thus d00ming us all in an 0ffsh00t timeline. i might c0nsider it if we all werent d00med anyway. and if y0u werent my friend
Voice Actor
- male adult
- male teen
- male young adult
uM, tHANKS, / i MEAN, i RESPECT THAT YOU HAVE LOTS OF, / pIRATEY BRAVADO ABOUT STUFF, aND YOU TYPE FAST ABOUT IT, bUT i THINK THIS IS FOOLISH AND NOT SENSIBLE / i WILL PROBABLY JUST GET KILLED, rEALISTICALLY,
aND ALSO, aS A WONDERFUL BONUS AND COINCIDENCE, iT HAPPENED THERE WAS A FELON ON YOUR PROPERTY,
oH ABSOLUTELY, tAKE IT FROM ME AS WHAT FACT IS TRUE, aND NOW, i FEEL EMBOLDENED TO DO BOLD THINGS THAT HEROES SHOULD DO, lIKE, sAVE THE LIFE OF A PRETTY GIRL, AND KILL THE FIENDISH OLD MAN, wHO, wHOOPS, wASN'T FIENDISH, aND YOU LOVED HIM, sORRY,
Voice Actor
A distant, cynical, technology obsessed troll!
- male teen
- male adult
- male young adult
fuck you and your priimadonna garbage, iim not goiing two break down 2obbiing becau2e you pa22 out at the 2iight of a liittle blood, why dont you man up.
aradiia ii would liike two apologiize, ii flew off the handle there. iit wa2 liike the handle wa2 a bald guy goiing really fa2t, and ii wa2 hii2 twoupee. 2o iim 2orry, iit wa2 my fault.
i was h0ping t0 talk with y0u a bit first, h0pe y0u d0n't mind. i mean, i kn0w he minds, but he can sm00ch my bl00dy, gummy m0uth right 0n the lisp f0r all i care. i mean lips! that's what i mean t0 say, n0w that i can.
Voice Actor
- male adult
- male teen
- male young adult
ALL OF YOU, JUST ZIP YOUR CHUTES. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, LIKE THERE'S NOTHING BETTER TO DO IN THE FUTURE??? IT'S THE FUTURE FOR GOD'S SAKE, A REALM OF ENDLESS FUCKING POSSIBILITIES. NOW…BEFORE WE GET STARTED, LET'S TAKE A TOLL OF THE SITUATION AT THIS POINT IN TIME.
GROAN. THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. WHAT WAS I EVEN THINKING.
IF I WASN'T SO TERRIFIED, I'D BE CONSUMED WITH ANGER, AND AS SOON AS I'M DONE COWERING IN A DARK CORNER HIDING FROM THAT HONKING MURDEROUS TOOL, I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND FILLET YOU WITH MY SICKLE.
Voice Actor
A romantic, cutesy, roleplaying loving troll! Mew!
- female young adult
- female adult
- female teen
i knooow! but i dont think itll be a big deal. ill just mention it casually and itll be fine im sure and then we can play in just a little bit!
youve never played a fun purrtend game with me ever even once! even karkat does it sometimes, even if he does mean it in a grumpy and insincere way…but at least its still fun!
*the especially impurrtant pouncellor looks really serious and thoughtful as she scoots her chair out from under the official courty looking table and begins to pace around thoughtfurry*
Voice Actor
An elegant, romantic, yet very dangerous troll!
- female adult
- female teen
- female young adult
I Do Not Understand Why You Needed To Impale My Friend To Demonstrate Your Resurrection Abilities! I Believed You! It Was Pointless And Cruel And Does Not Advance My Willingness To Cooperate With You At All!
This Is Starting To Sound A Bit Complicated. How Are We Supposed To Keep Track Of All These Villains And Heroes Coming And Going When And Where
Okay Im Laughing Pretty Hard At All That
Voice Actor
- female young adult
- female adult
- female teen
I AM NOT IN CHARACTER!!! THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, VRISKA! SEE? I BROUGHT MY DEADLY CANE SWORD AND COOL COIN AND EVERYTHING
CHEIF DEPUTY PYRALSPTITE CAN DO NOTHING FOR YOU NOW! NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU FROM YOUR JUDGMENT!
I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO FLIP A COIN, AND BEFORE I DID, YOU HAD TO PICK A SIDE WITHOUT TELLING M3 / GOOD HEADS OR BAD HEADS / AND YOU WERE LIKE "hey sure terezi i will hella go along with your two face thing…" WHATEVER THAT MEANS >:\
Voice Actor
A spiteful, cruel, and cunning spidertroll!
- female teen
- female young adult
- female adult
I know this consequence will 8e hard for you to accept, 8ut whenever you feel angry or confused a8out it, just repeat this to yourself. It should 8ecome your mantra! He is already here. Say it, John!
It's something called 8asic decency and civility you fudge8looded 8oor. Now get down on your useless wo88ly knees and apologize.
Yes!!!!!!!! That's the spirit, Redglare.
Voice Actor
- male young adult
- male teen
- male adult
oK lIkE jUsT bE tAkIn tHiS fUcKiN tItS bOtTlE oF fUcKiN fAyGo I jUsT cRaCkEd Up OpEn. AnD hOw It'S bEiNg AlL lIkE hIsSiNg AnD sHiT. mOtHeRfUcKiN hIsSiNg MaN, wHo WeNt AlL aNd ToLd It To Do ThAt? HoW wOuLd It EvEn Do ThAt, It'S cRaZy. iT's A mIrAcLe.
HeY CaN I HeLp a tIrEd lOoKiNg bRoThEr gEt hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN NaP On? sLeEp iN ThE HoRn pIlE? oNlY 420 bOoNdOlLaRs
now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand. I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE. they were always both me. :o) AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME.
Voice Actor
A bubbly, excitable, fun seadwelling troll!
- female adult
- female young adult
- female teen
YOUR STUPID FISHY FACE IS THE DRAMA MACHINE THAT DOES NOTHING BUT WHINE AND GLUB. 38P
Why, if I'm not mistaken, you are looking a little drowsy right now. We may meet again sooner than you think.
Hey, why don't you tell me about this cool robot bunny you were making? I've been pretty glubbing curious about it! Mind if I take a look?
Voice Actor
- male teen
- male adult
- male young adult
THE ALPHA MALE WHISTLES FOR HIS BITCHES. HE WILL NEED A LOYAL ENTOURAGE OF TOP FLIGHT FEMALES TO ASSIST HIM ON HIS IMPORTANT BOY JOURNEY.
NOTHING IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING EVER. JUST A LOT OF BULLSHIT LIKE THIS. WITH CAKES AND CARDS FLYING EVERY WHICH WAY. AND YOU ARE JUST SITTING THERE. FROWNING AT IT.
BUT ONE OF HIS FAITHFUL BIMBOS NEARBY THOUGHT IT WAS A *REALLY* BIG DEAL. SHE IS SWOONING HIS WAY RIGHT NOW. SHE WILL REWARD THE MALE FOR HIS MANLY DEEDS. WITH A HUMAN KISS! HERE IS WHERE THE TALE BEGINS TO GET A LITTLE. *SLOPPY* AHAHA. HAHA.
Voice Actor
- female adult
- female young adult
- female teen
i am jUst astonished. not at the gUile of yoUr little ploy, bUt by the fact that yoU actUally seem to think this was a clever rUse. it is jUst so painfUlly daft, i...i am speechless!
yoU might even call it the Ultimate riddle, if that were not already codified as "a thing" in scriptUre. i have so very many theories, i woUldn't even know where to begin.
i am sorry to hear yoU're feeling Under the weather. bUt now i am wondering. hm. coUld it have been that regUlar intake of yoUr soporific liqUids was inhibiting yoUr commUnion with the void, rather than exaggerating them as i had presUmed?
Voice Actor
A flirty, traumatized, and mad troll!
- female adult
- female young adult
あなたはあなたの言葉で私を退屈続けるのだろうか？または。あなたは私の服を脱ぐのだろうか？ [Will you continue boring me with your words? Or will you take off my clothes?]
性交あなたは何を話している？白痴雌犬。[What the fuck you're talking about? Bitch idiot.]
あなたは非常に怒っているように見える。性交をチルアウト。のはお互いに触れてみましょう。私と一緒に投石入手してください。[You seem to be very angry. Chill the fuck out. Let's touch each other. Please get stoned with me.]
Voice Actor
Dante Basco but troll.
- male young adult
- male adult
i don't know... killing yourself, that's... a heavy thing to do. i'm not like you, meenah... i don't think anyone is... well maybe damara is kinda... but maybe we shouldn't go into that, hahaha. let unhatched fiduspawn lie, you know…
no, i didn't mean, like... be MORE like that... i mean... uh, sorry to interrupt... go ahead?
even as ghosts, they change, if you give em long enough... they start wanting different things… aw man! i'm going about this all wrong... saying way too much, but not what i want to say... sh*t, haha. i should just use the bravery you helped me understand i always had, and just say it... i think we should break up.
Voice Actor
- male young adult
- male adult
EHEHHEHTHETHETHE YYES… THONGHT YODU NEVER ASK! BITHCH ACAME AROUNST TO MY WILIES MUTHAFUCKS! …WAIT HELUP. HELP HOW DOI TAKE OFF MY CLOTHETH AGAIN?
NOBUT I CLOUD GROGANIZE A BOBBLE WIDE STHRIPSEARCH… STARTING WITH YOUO EHETHEHETETHE
FUCH YOUR AND YOUR FUCKY CHUMPHY SUCKYFUCK FRONGHUMPHING BRINDE STEM RIGTH UPE YOUR SHITFTY PHELSMSOAKED PROBECHUTHE TILT IZ SUCK AZZ BITICH IS SUCKKY SUCHY FUCKETY SUCKHOLE FUCKY FCUKEY FUCK FUCK FUCK
Voice Actor
- male adult
- male young adult
Now before I continue, it is only decent of me to warn you about certain triggers that are surely ahead in this essay. I mean conversation. Triggers include but likely will not be limited to class oppression, culling culture and violence against grubs, lusus abuse, complementary and analogous hate speech, pail filling, slurries and other concupiscent fluids, lifespan shaming, ableist slurs, prolix dissertation... Actually, maybe it would be easier for you to list your triggers, and I'll do my best to avoid those topics, or navigate them more delicately, if at all possible?
And I'm just saying if my head was ever clouded by romantic feelings for you, I probably wouldn't be able to appreciate that about you. Just like I wouldn't be able to appreciate the fairly cool "zees" you put at the end of many words, or say things loudly and with enthusiasm, even if it's not particularly warranted.
In the future, I'll thank you not to embarrass me in front of my new disciples. Friends. I mean friends. I really don't need you policing my awareness-raising rhetoric. You are not my "human mother".
Voice Actor
An excitable, romantic, mysteriously fantastical troll!!
- female young adult
- female adult
- male young adult
- male adult
MEENAH, NO. THEY ARE ALL SO PERFECTLY ADORABLE. EACH IS LITTERALLY MORE PRECIOUS AND PURRFECT THAN THE LAST. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THEY ARE MY BABIES. THEY ARE MY PERFECT PRECIOUS GAY LITTLE BABIES!!!!!!!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN OUT OF THE LOOP FOR A LONG TIME, SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF MIRACLES HAVE BEEN WROUGHT BY THE MAGE OF HEART! NOW, BEFORE I WORK MY MAGIC, WE SHOULD GET ONE THING CLEAR. IS YOUR YEARNING RED OR BLACK?
MAY THE BARD'S RIOTOUS CHUCKLEVOODOOS INSPIRE NIGHTMARES IN ALL WHO WOULD OPPAWS CALICORN, AND MAY THE JOCULARKITTY OF HIS VAST HONK RING LOUD AND MOTHER FUCKIN TRUE ALL THE WAY TO SHANGRI LOL.
Voice Actor
A mature, elegant, determined troll!
(NOTE: one cast member WILL be thirsting over you)
- female adult
- female young adult
But anyone who's looked at our society more honestly can see that while, yes, it is superficially observed as a matriarchy on a fuschia-down basis, on a practical level all of the enforcement and political power governing most classes was delegated to the higher CIPs, which were generally male-dominated castes. They got to control the agenda and dictate the social conventions, and anyone who dared to object or bring light to this could always be countered with "Hey! Matriarchy! End of discussion."
Gotcha. You just said all you needed to say. You know, you are actually very cute. That girl who's been wandering around in the dragon suit is a very lucky lady.
Progress as a civilization? Kankri. Our people are extinct, and you're worried about "distracting from the more glaring issues"?? EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!
Voice Actor
A radical, cool as hell gamer girl troll!!
- female young adult
- female adult
grl, who DOeSNT want to be me??? you think you can just waltz into this bubble and start being any rad gamer grl you cross pathz with???? chyeah, RiGHT! you have a long, LONG way to go before you earn enough rad-credz to be Me. or as i like to call them, CRADZ.
that JUST occurred to me recently. wuz opening the meal vault to make a freakin ghost snack when i wuz like. SHiT!!! PAAAAAAYCHECK!!! i said, all shaking my fist. hahaha, dont leave me hangin grl. >BD (#Hi FiVe)
its kind of stressful sometimes, keeping it up! sometimes i forget to put zees on the end of words, and i really stress out about it. (#specially when im off my meds!) you know, i always did feel better talking to you. like i could take the edge off my rad thing, and relax a little more.
Voice Actor
A knowledgeable, polite, yet crazy troll with a plan!
- female young adult
- female adult
Look. Three sweeps is a long time to spend in a failed, pointless session! You look into the future and see a life lasting for maybe thousands of sweeps, with nothing to look forward to, and........ It was just... kind of a phase! Just a little red fling, ok? It barely even lasted half a sweep, and… Hey, if I give you TEN boonbucks, can we stop talking talking about this????????
Want to know a secret? Please don't tell anyone, but I really can't stand the guy. It's probably unfair to him because he is obviously such a sweet and harmless fellow. but something about him rubs me the wrong way. I guess I can just be a little petty sometimes.
Sorry, I was just trying to riff with you little on a mutually disliked acquaintance. Is that really so bad? Why do you have to take every opportunity to knock my personal beliefs? You can really be so mean sometimes.
Voice Actor
- male young adult
- male adult
F*DDLEST*IX. Please pardon my utterly execrable language, and unforgivable stammering, your Horseness. (#Sh*ot! #I mean Hayness! #Whew.) I am a bale of nerves in your royal presence, and it has been so long. And when I am so spooked, you must know how that causes me to even more firmly identify with the majestic hoofbeast.
I can assure you right now, the labor involved in smithing my personality into one that is interesting and complicated was rather intensive. 8=D~~ < I really worked up a good sweat in the process. 8=D~~~~ < (That is the sweat dripping from my face.)
(frustrated sounding) Wh**ps, so happy, I have become loose with foul language, and forgot I wasn't supposed to make that face anymore. You are of course free to be me whenever you wish, my lady.
Voice Actor
A mysterious, spooky, mute troll....spoopy
- male young adult
- male adult
EXCELLENT WORK, MY MAGE. WITH THIS MOST RIGHTEOUS MOTHER FUCKIN PELVIC APPAREL, THE WICKED ENSEMBLE IS NOW COMPLETE. IT MUST BE DELIVERED TO THE BARD OF RAGE AT ONCE, SO THAT HE MAY CONTINUE OUR MIRTHFUL MOTHER FUCKIN WORK.
AY MOTHER FUCKIN MEN, MY WICKED KITTYBITCH.
ON THIS DAY THE DARK CARNIVAL REJOICED AND SAID IT WAS MONEY. NOW BRING TO LIFE OUR WICKED RUSE WITH APLOMB MY NINJA. OUT LORD AWAITS YOUR SERVITUDE AND TUTELAGE AT ONCE. WE SHALL NOW BUST OPEN THESE BITCHIN ELIXIR FORTIES. AND POUR SOME SWEET SWILL OUT FOR THE SOULS WHO SOON WONT BE NO MORE.
Voice Actor
- male adult
- male young adult
but seriously, stay here. im going to go work my "magic" on peixes. not literally of course, because as i learned through a series of crushing revelations during my adolescence, magic isnt real. wait here, try not to fall down, and ABOVE ALL, try not to be seen.
whoah uh… meenah! wow... hmm. WOW. how long uh… were you standing there?
ah. i see how it is. cronus gets the shaft, while you scurry away to flirt with some infantile loudmouth. why am i not surprised? guess im neither mentally unstable or a big enough asshole to catch your eye. no big deal, ill just record my feelings on the subject through a bit of slam poetry and bubble my sorrows throughout the... and, yep. looks like im talking to myself again. shes gone.
Voice Actor
A brash, determined, seadwelling troll!!
- female adult
- female young adult
dogg before you even start with your junk i just wanna point out i can barely understand a word you say… and your variety of weird conflicting speech impediments, and the fact that even aside from all the shitty numbers you stick in words youre still misspellin half a what you say. i just gtfu.
i think her mindfang ideal is ridic to be lochness with you. that journal man… tales from the pirate who wont shut up. but then… im not one to talk about hero worship
back into your meteor right cause thats where im headed. cant get through the door tho. can i get your password?
Voice Actor
An adventurous, peculiar, socially awkward guy!
- male young adult
- male teen
- male adult
And um same goes for you about being careful what with these various rogues accosting you with foul play lately and whatnot...Because well i sure do care a lot about you too you know that.
I cant believe its already been…How long? What, like a year already since we entered? Holy moly, where does the time go.
Well damn. Looks like the egg monster took quite the spirited dump on my face this time.
Voice Actor
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Voice Actor
A strong, intense...really weird and sweaty troll!
- male teen
- male adult
- male young adult
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Voice Actor
A desperate, magical, yet tragic seadwelling troll!
- male adult
- male young adult
- male teen
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