In the beginning it sounded like you were trying to do a little jingle with the lines and that would've been awesome if you did XD other than that, I agree with the professional infomercial voice, could use a little more variety in tone and maybe a little more emotion, but I do feel like this script is a little difficult to figure out a good emotion for it but that's also the point XD

I agree with your self assess. Great power, but lacking warmth and feels like a rehearsal, not talking to people. Similar cadence line after line making it feel less organic. Clarity was decent, but keep over working the articulators in the rehearsals so that it's a non issue in performance. Still pause and redo anything you feel isn't there while performing. Some good skill sin here, just keep that focus on the listener.