Casting Call for "It's not you, it's me."

You know, this has been the best relationship I've ever had. (Excited.) 

My ex-girlfriend. Girlfriends. I shouldn't be mentioning them. That's bad form. (Cool like)

But you know what's funny? Every single relationship I've ever been in I've gotten dumped. I mean just once I'd like to be the person doing the dumping, you know? I'm actually kind of an expert of getting dumped. 

Even the one that plays in the NFL. I don't ever mention him. I don't want him to feel bad. (Dreamy.)

Really? How does that happen? (Sarcastic) 

It's not you, it's me. 

More water?

Any room for desert? 

I feel so safe when I'm with you. Don't you? (Dreamily)

And I can talk to you. That's another thing. You're a great listener. 

I am your girlfriend! This is ridiculous! (Shocked.) 

I know. I have to find out if my team won. (Annoyed.)

I can watch and listen at the same time! (Angered; annoyed.)

We're breaking up. (Angry.)