G.I. Joe parody comic dubs

Zarana is the sister of Buzzer, despite baring no resemblance. in this comic she is one of the primary characters, and is a lesbian. she specifically loves Baroness, and is best friends with Helix. she is very vulgar, and rude to most people, but kind to her friends.

Firefly is the anarchistic pyromaniac of every Cobra's dream. while the other characters are often thinking about girls or world domination, or even just life, he almost always has the same train of thought. burn everything. 

the scary/slutty pansexual Reddit warned you about. the Baroness in cannon is perhaps one of the most terrifying characters in the G.I. Joe universe, and is just as much of a lover as she is a fighter.  she still has standards, of course. despite pursing a romance with Destro, she's not going to let him have it that easily. she is also the founding member of the Gay Squad.

Chuckles has almost always been depicted as a spy. I'm not the first person to make a joke about him being terrible about it, even official writers have. in this version basically everyone knows he's a spy, but keeps him around because "he's funny". he also has almost no personality.

Cobra Commander is the inept leader of Cobra, known for screaming and retreating. in this version he is even more oblivious than usual.

Helix is perhaps the most obvious lesbian to appear in a videogame/comic. this version has her defecting from G.I. Joe to join Cobra's Gay Squad, considering the Joes consist 98% of straight men, and Cobra is pretty much harmless. she quickly becomes friends with Zarana, and is also associated with Firefly, who the pair have taken in like a lost puppy, that loves to light things on fire.

Zartan is a Florida swamp man/Yautja, and leader of the Dreadnocks. considering his subordinate is a member of the Gay Squad, he is usually not too far behind.

in cannon Destro is a rich arms dealer and international terrorist. he's still those in this version, but now he isn't even worthy of the one woman he loves. he is constantly fighting for her affection, and isn't exactly good at it.

Stormshadow is Cobra's resident ninja, clad in white because... he's that good? or he wants you to see him coming? I don't really know. he has brother issues, and both loves and hates Snake Eyes, in a strictly platonic way.

Serpentor is the maniacal leader of Cobra. well, one of the leaders. they're kind of bad about that. he's basically emo Cobra Commander, with a crappy outfit, and less charisma.