A Christmas Carol Retold Audiobook
Project Overview
i've been toyig with the idea of doing this for sometime, and as I have a space in my schedule i thought now would be a good time to start this rolling with Christmas oh so close.
Back in 2008, i published my first novel, A Christmas Carol Retold. The novel is a reworking of Charles Dickens' classic story of Ebeneezer Scrooge in the style once used by Spike Milligan (look him up if you don't know who he is, you won't be disappointed) in his According to...series of books. I have always wanted to record it as an audio version, and although i do have a decent range of voices, i would rather it be done with different people to a) give some credit to other people, b) to hear interpretations of the text that i might have missed.
I think the one thing of note is that the humour throughout is frequently sarcastic, often deadpan, and more than occasionally quite corse..meaning there is some swearing.
I am starting off with a handful of the main parts and will add the other roles over the next few days. For the recording, i would ideally like to have the completed audio files back by the end of October so i could have it ready to roll early December.
Please bear in mind that the parts of the narrator and Scrooge are quite large - as you would expect (having said that, other than in the opening scenes, the narrator does play second fiddle to the speaking lines of the other characters)
At the moment, this is a non paid project, but once it is put together if it starts making money then there would be some kind of payout - but for now it is purely for experience and to have your name (or the name you choose) on an audiobook.
Thanks for taking the time to have a look and happy auditioning.
If you want to see an excerpt from the book, it can be seen in the Amazon "look inside" feature on the book's page on Amazon at this address.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Christmas-Carol-Retold-Book-ebook/dp/B0069AVZ18/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1441661310&sr=8-2&keywords=christmas+carol+retold
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It's Ebeneezer Scrooge. He is old, cranky, but in this version also rather droll, and again frequently sarcastic in his dialogue with the ghosts and other characters.
He has been interpretted many ways over the years, so feel free to give your take.
“You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say cheery, family gatherings usually attended by cannibals. You’re never quite sure what it is you’re eating. Perhaps if there wasn’t always a thick layer of charcoal on everything it would be better.”
“I’m sorely tempted to let you keep the dunce cap. At least I would know it had gone to a good home. I wish to thank you fine, porky, well-fed gentlemen for your bit of bad cheer and it is nice to know there are people out there who are looking to bring misery to others by funding the villains of the world. Unfortunately, I am too busy funding my own misery factory to contribute. So all I have to say to you is good day.”
(Finally, the hour approached. Scrooge bellowed a countdown.)
Read the below text only.
“Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Aha! Not a single splat of ectoplasm to be seen. There is only one thing I have to say, Marley, and it will be worth every penny! Bah! Hum–”
Jacob Marley is Scrooge's ghostly former partner. He appears to Scrooge to warn him of his soon to be acquaintences.
He is old but doesn't necessarily sound old, probably around middle age would be fine.
“Scroooooge,”
“You talk shit sometimes, Scrooge. They went casual years ago. No more regulation uniforms. It just really irritates me that I couldn’t get the costume I really wanted.”
“As I was saying, you will be visited by these Spirits whether it pleases you or not. They’ve already been booked and you really don’t want to know what their cancellation rates are. They go by the names of Gin, Vodka and Whiskey.”
Vodka is the jolly, food muching second spirit. Definitely male in this case and possibly somewhere around middle aged in voice.
“I am Vodka, the Ghost of Christmas Present. I am always stuck in the here and now.”
“It’s Bob Cratchit’s house, you old fool. Only someone who works for you would have to live in a place like this.”
“Scrooge,”( the Spirit said in a friendly, slightly patronising tone). “You’ve seen how much food he has eaten. You’ve watched him throw himself off his father’s shoulders in a moment of hallucination. You can see that he is not in the greatest physical condition. Now let me ask you…do you think he is ok?”
Bob is humble, a family man doing the best to get by. He is quite bumbling as well..a little like Hugh Grant in many ways.
“He was good as gold. Well apart from when the vicar was naming the Holy Trinity and Tim said the father, the son and the holy shit.”
“That’s right, Mr Scrooge. I’ll make up for it when I come back the next day though.”
“Remember, children, one spoonful each until we make sure everyone has some.”
Scrooge's Nephew is as opposite to Scrooge as possible. Described as a hyperactive ball of fluff, he is jolly, Christmas loving and likely to induce vomit from someone like Scrooge with his unending love of life. He is a bit like a new puppy in human form.
“Not at all, Uncle. It means that we’ve bought too much food again and are trying to get as many people as possible round to eat it. We’ll still be eating turkey sandwiches at Easter if not.”
“You’re a bit of a grouch, aren’t you Uncle?”
“Maybe I have not become richer for it, but I consider that my life has. I feel love and joy and Christmas cheer that you don’t seem to want. I share my Christmas with as many people as I can whether they are rich or poor. Ok, it is mainly to help get rid of that bloody turkey but that is beside the point. What I am saying, Uncle, is that while you sit here with your piles of cold money, I can spend Christmas in the warmth of my family where any family man should be!”
One of the Charity collectors who speak to scrooge in the first and last parts of the book. Has just a few lines.
“Am I talking to Mr Scrooge or Mr Marley?”
“Ah, yes, Mr Scrooge, isn’t it?”
“He is easily tongue-tied. Excuse me while I undo the knot. We won’t be a moment.”
The second Charity Collector has the greater number of lines out of the two.
Well, would you like to give to the Suspicious Charity? We aim to help all those unfortunate bad eggs who can’t fund their own lurking and world domination plans.”
“Moderate. A man who needed some face reconstruction was one of our more recent beneficiaries. He had a bad experience with a man in a bat costume and ended up in a vat of acid. Nasty business.
“Eiiiieeoooooo,” (This line is spoken as a kind of drawn out sound of fright a child would make when the collectors is roughly greeted by Scrooge)
Gin is the first of the three spirits. He comes in the form of a child who is also an old man, so i am imagining a voice that is youthful but has years of wisdom behind it.
Again, feel free to interpret it your way - it is written in the book as a suggested male but I am open to both male and female voices for this one.
“Anyway, I’m Gin, The Ghost of Christmas Past.”
“Well get used to it cos you’re stuck with me for a while, and I’m stuck in your past Christmases. I could think of better things to do with my time.”
“She was really happy after she left you, you know. Married some really rich stuck-up ponce with a big wallet, big house, and he was endowed with her type of enormous co–”
I am fully open to this role being taken by a male or female. The main quality of the narrator is be quite deadpan. Think UK comedian Jack Dee. The humour in the narration is generally sarcastic. You will be saying some ridiculous things, but in a serious "that's the way it is" kind of tone.
Marley was dead.
This is a thoroughly uplifting start to any story I’m sure you will agree, although it should be noted that if Marley were not dead from the outset then he would have to die sometime around now or we would not be able to have a tale at all. On the whole it is better to begin with someone dead than having to find a suitably macabre, clever and visually pleasing way to pop them off. This is Dickens not Agatha Christie!
Scrooge spun around with the finesse of a ballet champion, and raised his cane ready to hospitalise someone. There was no one there. Turning back to the door, Scrooge noticed something strange about this door-knocker. Those bloody charity workers had stolen it and replaced it with a hockey mask. He made a mental note to hunt them down in the morning.
Scrooge stepped back from the window. He could surely not have just seen what he thought he had. One of the ghosts had been naked!
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